I’m going to start by saying, if I actually finished college and had a real job I would never be able to fuck around with people like this via email because I’d actually be working.

Many of you know that I work in a granite and tile showroom. I am all alone (and bored) most of  the time I’m here so when something like this is received in my AOL inbox it’s like Christmas morning to me over and over again. What you are about to read is a scam email sent to me a few days back by a gentleman looking to buy granite counter tops and have them shipped to an orphanage in Haiti. The first few emails are boring and full of details but after that I start fucking with the greedy bastard and then my work week becomes totally worth while.

I am Milano Granite (obviously) and I put the names and conversations in bold to make it an easier read.

Enjoy.

In a message dated 4/5/2011 10:44:08 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, rmromartinz10@gmail.com writes:

Hi,

Please quote me your firm price for the following without Installation if you can get them

Size : 3 CM Countertops 25.5″ x 106″ 3 Edges Eased and Polished
Quantity: 5
color :Absolute Black

Please indicate when your price quote shall expire and also let me know your contact details for further discussion over this possible order.

NB: Please let me know what you have if you cant get me the above mentioned models

Best Regards

On Tue, Apr 5, 2011 at 3:09 PM, Milano Granite wrote:

Hello

I do have the material and I can produce in a timely fashion. Are you a designer or a home owner?

Thank You,

Jennifer
Milano Granite & Marble
718-477-7200

In a message dated 4/6/2011 7:19:23 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, rmromartinz10@gmail.com writes:

Thanks very much for the email and i am looking to donate these units to an Orphanage in Haiti and so please let me know the total price for the 5 tops plus tax and i will call you back with my credit card information for you to run thru for the order

Please let me know

On Wed, Apr 6, 2011 at 1:08 PM, Milano Granite wrote:

The total cost is $4719.73 Pick up only. No template/No Install.

5 pieces 106″x25.5″ Black Absolute 3cm granite tops. No cut outs. Material & Fabrication only

In a message dated 4/6/2011 9:28:59 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, rmromartinz10@gmail.com writes:

Hi,

Thanks for your time,patience and diligence you have for my order, im sending you this E-mail in reference to the pick up and delivery of the units i am purchasing for an Orphanage School and I want this order to be ship through Express Shipping & Cargo Int. which i want to recommend you to contact and get me shipping charges from your location to the address below:
================================================
Freight Company’s Name :Express Shipping & Cargo Int
Contact Person: Attention Mr.Emmanuel Gap
Contact Email :Infoexpressshippingcargo@gmail.com
===============================================
And the information that the shipping company will request in order to provide you with the shipping charges is
=================================================
1. The full pick up location Address
2.The shipping address
3.Type of packages shipping.
==================================================
Below is the shipping address where the packages are going to.
==================================================
Mr Mark Davies
15, rue Capois, Place des Heros
Port-au-Prince, Haiti

NB:The shipping company handles packaging and crating of products,so Please contact
the shipping company and ask them how much it would cost to ship the units to the my new hotel so that we can proceed with payments ASAP.

Best Regards

On Wed, Apr 6, 2011 at 1:31 PM, Milano Granite wrote:

Can I please have the shippers telephone number as well as yours?
Thanks
jennifer

In a message dated 4/6/2011 10:04:12 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, rmromartinz10@gmail.com writes:

You can reach them 407 378 4629 but the best way is to email them and so please email them now and they will get back to with the cost so i can call you and make payments

Let me know

On Thu, Apr 7, 2011 at 5:46 PM, Milano Granite wrote:

Before I go through all the trouble…there is no granite in Haiti or at least closer so you dont have to spend so much on shipping?

Just Wondering,
Jennifer

In a message dated 4/7/2011 1:58:23 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, rmromartinz10@gmail.com writes:

I am in Bronx NY,10453 and actually trying to help this Orphans that’s why i want to order them tops here and have them ship to them in Hiati thru Express Shipping Cargo

Let me know

On Thu, Apr 7, 2011 at 6:01 PM, Milano Granite wrote:

Oh I see. Why don’t you just send them money? Money is way better than granite counter tops. They can put Formica tops on and use the rest of the money for food. My sister’s boyfriend’s cousin lives in Haiti and I know they do Formica there. Just a thought. But if you insist on granite I will do it.

In a message dated 4/7/2011 2:22:51 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, rmromartinz10@gmail.com writes:

Thanks for the recommendation but i have sent them some money before as this isn’t the my first Items i am donating to them.
Now please get in touch with the shippers and let me know

On Thu, Apr 7, 2011 at 6:12 PM, Milano Granite wrote:

How about you send them non-perishable foods like Chef -Boyaredee or canned peas. My sister’s boyfriend’s cousin LOVES Chef-Boyardee (peas not so much). Or you can send them soccer balls or sneakers. Well maybe flip flops because it’s so hot there. You can buy at least 470 pairs of flip flops with the money instead of shipping granite there. I think the last thing on the orphanages mind is getting some new granite on their counters. Just saying.

Jennifer
Milano Granite

In a message dated 4/7/2011 3:12:41 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, rmromartinz10@gmail.com writes:

Thanks again and i normally donates these stuff during Christmas and they love me very much but the last time i visited them i didnt like the way the kitchen looked that why i want to get them these tops

Let m eknow

On Thu, Apr 7, 2011 at 7:46 PM, Milano Granite wrote:

I would love you very much too if you gave me granite counter tops for Christmas! That’s a generous gift. My boyfriend gave me towels for Christmas last year. I was sad. True Story.

In a message dated 4/7/2011 5:15:47 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, rmromartinz10@gmail.com writes:

So are u interested in the order ?
Let me know

On Fri, Apr 8, 2011 at 8:39 AM, Milano Granite wrote:

Of course! Who wouldn’t be interested in helping orphans!?
I have emailed the shipping company and I am waiting for a reply.

Jennifer
Milano Granite

Then I wrote the shipping company:

On Fri, Apr 8, 2011 at 8:42 AM, Milano Granite wrote:

Hello Mr. Gap

I am writing you because I have granite to ship to an orphanage in Haiti. Those orphans are going to be so excited to get new counters!!! There is nothing an orphan dreams of more than getting some Black Absolute granite counter tops at there place of residence(that and maybe food). I know because my sister’s boyfriend’s cousin is an orphan in Haiti. He loves granite.

Here is what I need a price on to ship to the orphanage:

Size : 3 CM Countertops 25.5″ x 106″ 3 Edges Eased and Polished
Quantity: 5
color :Absolute Black
Please get back to me with a price

Shipping from:

Milano Granite
3521 Victory Blvd
SI, NY 10314

Shipping To:
Mr Mark Davies
15, rue Capois, Place des Heroes
Port-au-Prince, Haiti
Thanks Again! These orphans have no idea what kind of treat theyre about to get!

A Very Excited,

Jennifer
Milano Granite

In a message dated 4/8/2011 10:01:36 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, infoexpressshippingcargo@gmail.com writes:

Dear Valued Customer,

PICK UP # : 000912451-US261

Thank you for your interest in using EXPRESS SHIPPING & CARGO INTERNATIONAL. for your shipping needs
We will be glad to help you with the shipping (5 Absolute Black granite Slab countertops) and we have checked on picking and shipping your request.CLASS:50 UN: 2794 PACKING GROUP: 3

From Your Location: Milano Granite
3521 Victory Blvd
SI, NY 10314

Ship To : Mr. Mark Davies
15, rue Capis, Place des Heros
Port-au-Prince, Haiti

And the shipping costs is going to be

1.Express Overnight – 2,903.47 USD 2-3 days
2.Express Delivery – 2,630.47 USD 4-7 days
3.Standard Delivery – 2,203.47 USD 1-2 weeks

All the above includes international airway taxes(I.A.T) , Tariffs and custom’s clearance duties.Regarding the packaging and crating we will also handle that to prevent breakages or damages.So go ahead and select from the above shipment which you would like to use so we can proceed with the pick up schedulement when ready.

Payments Terms:
1.Wire Transfer

NOTE: Payments is accepted from the pick up location company only.

Int. Shipping Depart.

Emmanuel Gap .
+233242921518
****************************************************************************
This e-mail message and any attachments are only for the use of the intended recipient and may contain information that is privileged, confidential or exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, distribution or other use of this e-mail message or attachments is prohibited. If you have received this e-mail message in error, please delete and notify the sender immediately. Thank you
On Fri, Apr 8, 2011 at 10:46 AM, Milano Granite wrote:
Oh This is fabulous! I would love to do the most expensive shipping and get it there in 2-3 days! I can wire you the entire amount today! How do I do it? These orphans are going to be so friggen happy!

An Even More Excited Than Before,

Jennifer
Milano Granite

In a message dated 4/8/2011 10:50:10 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, infoexpressshippingcargo@gmail.com writes:

Dear Valued Customer,

Thank you for your interest in using EXPRESS SHIPPING & CARGO INTERNATIONAL for your shipping needs.Now we would require payments in other to book the shipment in our system and also send our driver to come for the tops after your customer have completed payments with you and the packages are ready to go .Send payment via Wire Transfer to our Accountant at our headquarters to the information below.

BANK NAME : ECOBANK GHANA
ACCOUNT NAME: JULIEN BOAKYE
ACCOUNT # : 0430034424808501
BRANCH : KOTOBABI
SWIFTCODE : ECOGHAC

Address :
32 Kotababi Street ,
Accra, Ghana – 00233

As soon as we receive payment we will let you know through fax with the receipt which contains the shipment tracking number and the time for the pick up and shipment and before we can provide that we need to get a payment confirmation details requested above and don’t hesitate to contact us if you need any more assistance.

Emmanuel Gap – International Shipping Depart.
Phone Number:239 935 5073

On Fri, Apr 8, 2011 at 11:02 AM, Milano Granite wrote:

Dear Mr. Gap & Generous man from the Bronx that Helps Orphans,

How stupid do you think I am?

Helen Keller wouldn’t even fall for this scam. Thank you for making my work week so much more enjoyable by responding to my emails. Your ridiculousness and dark souls have put smiles on so many of my Facebook friends faces. If you’re ever in the tri-state area, you should drop by my office so that I can smack the two of you for using orphans as a ploy to rob people of their money. Shame on you both! Do your mothers know how horrible you are? Probably not.

For some more added fun I will now forward these emails to my sister’s boyfriend’s cousin who is in the FBI.

Thanks For The Laughs.

Jennifer
Milano Granite

P.S. These orphans are going to be so pissed when they find out you’re not installing granite in their kitchens!

I’m still waiting for a reply from my new email buddies but for some reason I feel like they’re not going to write back. Oh well.