Over the past seven years Facebook has paved the way for people to live a life they never thought possible. The nerdy,quiet,ugly kid in high school can now show off his hot, new, big breasted trophy wife (whom he acquired after making millions in the stock market) instead of forever being remembered as just some fat geek with braces.

The creepy girl that always wore black and smoked cigarettes in the corner of the school yard while watching the cheer leading team practice can now sit behind a computer screen and stalk the pages of those peppy, popular girls she still aspires to be like without being called a stalker (I believe the proper term for her is cyber-stalker). Even information you don’t want to know is now readily available at a click of the refresh button on your news feed (teenage cousin losing her virginity on prom night to the half the football team). Years ago none of this was even possible. There would be family members you would only catch up with at funerals or weddings (the way you’d rather it be), high school reunions you’d miss because you moved and the invitation got lost in the mail (thank God) or missed opportunities to find out your boyfriend was cheating because technology wasn’t advanced enough to show you that he checked into Places (a sleazy hotel) with another woman (complete whore).

But times they have changed!
Now people use Facebook to remember their parent’s birthdays, stalk ex-boyfriends/girlfriends and even use their status updates as un-paid therapy sessions.

For some people Facebook has taken over their lives (The Von) and has gotten totally out of hand (I’m addicted). How can you tell if you are one of those people??? Well besides seeing yourself in every one of the scenarios listed above, there are a few more ways you can tell if you have severe Facebooking issues:

10.You can draw a complete lay out of your high school nemesis’ entire house, including wall colors, because THAT’S how many times you’ve looked through her Facebook photo albums thanks to her page being public.

9.You not only have your own Facebook account, you also have two fake ones so that you can friend people that won’t accept your personal account because they think you’re a freak.

8.Getting a new high score in Bejeweled Blitz is more exciting to you than the day your husband proposed to you.

7.You’ve added your bed, backyard and bathroom to Facebook Places.

6.Some of your closest friends are one’s you’ve never met and only know from Facebook.

5.You posted that you’re pregnant on your wall before calling your parents or the father to be to share the great news!

4.When you get into a fight with your sister you immediately remove her from your Family List on your page and consider yourself officially sister-less (and by doing that makes it totally legit to you).

3.Clicking on some one’s page that you despise and finding out it’s NOT set to private is better than that feeling you got on Christmas morning when you were a kid.

 

2.You take hours to return client’s phone calls at work but you update your status every hour on the hour about how your day is going.

1. You wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat because you forgot to harvest your crops in Farmville.

 

So we salute you Mark Zuckerberg, for making over seven-hundred and fifty million people become addicted to social media faster than a five cent hooker can become addicted to crack.