We all love getting excited. That rush of adrenaline that passes through your body and makes your heart start to race while the feeling of fluttering butterflies take over your stomach like a bad batch of burritos. When I was twenty-one it took a lot to get me excited…. a nice vacation, a new car, even a boyfriend buying me a really nice piece of jewelry. Fast forward to thirty-one and I’m like a cheap first date when it comes to getting me excited. It doesn’t take much. One may actually consider me pathetic(I do most of the time) but I have to admit, being easily excited does brighten up my pathetic day and puts a smile on this adorable face.

In honor of myself I have put together a Top 10 list of things that excite me so that you can compare and see if you are as easily excitable and pathetic as me. Enjoy.

1. Front Load Washer and Dryers

Say Hello To My New Friends

Who doesn’t love a front load washer and dryer?! For the past eight years any time I came into contact with one I became severely jealous and secretly wondered what it was like to be a sock or a shirt swishing around in that sudsy oasis of expensiveness. Then I would go home to my 1978 top load washer and throw my dirty laundry into it like they were red headed step children. Then Home Depot decided to extend my credit line and I decided to extend my debt by ordering my very own front load washer and dryer online! The twins were delivered yesterday and I am DYING to get out of work so I can start washing everything in my house!!!

2. Watching Crackheads Argue in Public

By far one of the best sources of free entertainment around. I usually catch these sightings while I’m sitting in my car at a red light. I’ll look over at the bus stop(because crackheads don’t drive cars they take buses) and 6 out of 20 times I’ll see a pair of skell looking dirt bags arguing about who smoked the last hit or who whose turn it is to prostitute themselves for a dollar. Sometimes they’re fighting about the most random stuff like what year Bill Clinton “dirtied” Monica Lewinsky’s dress. Either way I always stop and stare like I’m looking at a train wreck.

3. Waking Up in the Middle of the Night and Realizing I have Another Three Hours of Sleep Until I Have to Get Up for Work.

Isn’t that the best?! I know my body is equipped with an inner alarm clock that goes off at 6:35am every single morning. But sometimes my body has a blackout(my boyfriend farting really loud and startling me) trips the system and causes technical difficulties. When this happens I wake up thinking that it’s time to repeat the day prior, get up and get go to work. Jokes on me in these cases because when I finally look at the cable box I see it’s 3am which means I get another three hours or more to sleep!!

Please Note: Sometimes the the excitement of realizing I have more time to sleep causes an adrenaline surge and I wind up NOT being able to fall back to asleep. These rare instances piss me off to no extent.

4. Cold Cut Sandwiches

I remember driving in the car with my mother not to long ago. She was on her cell talking to my dad and told him she was picking up cold cuts and Italian bread for lunch. I nearly lost it. I started clapping and bouncing up and down in my seat like a moron. There’s something about bologna on warm Italian bread that gets me more excited than a teenage boy with his first nudey magazine. Now I’m hungry. Great.

5. Wheel of Fortune Slot Machines

I’m Addicted

If you ask my sissy Lily one of my biggest downfalls in life she will tell you my addiction to Wheel of Fortune slot machines. I don’t know if it’s the wheel, the bright lights or the recorded chant of, “WHEEL OF FORTUNE!” that plays repetitively each time you walk by but these slot machines excite me beyond delight. I once went to Vegas with a few friends and they claim they didn’t see me for three days because I was sitting in the casino feeding the Wheel of Fortune machine my child’s college fund while sipping on Long Island Iced Teas. In my defense, my child is six and I have all the time in the world to re-save for his college years.

6. Cheap Gas

I think gas is close to $4.00 a gallon now! Filling up your car in New York City is like getting ass raped by all of The Harlem Globe Trotters at once. Ridiculous and painful. When I travel outside of NYC I notice every single gas station and their gas prices like it’s a natural reflex. I then map out a game plan to figure out where I will get gas before going home for the cheapest price. I filled my car up at $3.32 a gallon a few weeks ago in New Jersey. I saved $.68 a gallon and then paid and $8.00 toll to get home which probably defeated the entire purpose.

7. Going to Pay a Bill Online and Finding Out I Paid it Already

I have a stupidly high car payment because I HAD to have a nice car when I turned thirty. When I went to pay the car payment last week I saw that I had already paid it the week before. I actually giggled out loud like a little school girl when I realized what I did. I don’t know how to describe the feeling it gave me other than euphoric.

8. Ordering Chinese Food After a Night of Adult Beverages

Grease, grease and more grease. Your body craves this after a night of drinking like a two dollar hooker craves meth. I rarely go out drinking anymore because I’m a responsible adult with a child (and I’m broke) but when I do have those special occasions the after effects are brutal. I remember when I was twenty-one and was able to go out seven nights a week, drink all night, sleep for two hours(if that) and then go to work and drink a Pepsi, eat a bag of chips and feel like a million bucks. Now I have two shots and a beer and wake up feeling like Mike Tyson spent the past three hours repeatedly punching me in my head. I usually spend the first hour of my hangover praying to God for him to just kill me but then the light bulb goes off! Chinese food! Nothing semi-beats a horrific hangover than ordering some greasy Chinese food and curling up on the couch in your puke stained pajamas and a quart of chicken lo-mien in one hand and an egg roll in the other. Heaven! Now I’m even more hungry!

9. Coming Home and Seeing That My Dad Mowed My Lawn

I gotta say, the man retired in May and my lawn hasn’t looked better since! Not only does my lawn look like a virtual oasis of delight, I also have trimmed trees, shrubs and my garden looks spectacular. The best part is I don’t have to pay him AND he speaks English. Last year I hired a lawn service that did a horrible job. I fired them but they kept coming back and mailing me a bill each time. Each time I pulled up and saw them mowing my lawn I told them to stop but those little Mexican dumplings just smiled and continued to massacre my yard. I finally figured out that they didn’t speak my language and had one of my co-workers right a letter in Spanish. I never saw them again.

10. Getting to Use the Bathroom and Not Having the Entire Household Knocking On the Door Asking Stupid Questions.

If you have kids, a husband or a boyfriend you know what I’m talking about. Any time I go into the bathroom, even for a minute, there is a knock at the door or a call of ,”Mommy, where are you?” It’s completely ridiculous. I haven’t gotten to pee in peace since 2005 and I’m starting to become bitter about it. One time while I was in the bathroom my ex actually knocked on the door to ask me when the passport laws were going to go into effect! He was asking because he had a trip planned for work…three months later! Two days ago my son knocked on the door and asked me if I could order him thirty hermit crabs! That’s the stupidity that occurs when I am trying to relieve myself. God help me! You can see why peace and quiet would excite me like it does after knowing what I endure while trying to go at home.